Monday, April 25, 2011

I look at my blog, and despite the numerous misgivings I have regarding it (about how I'm nothing a but novice and no one would bother to read what I write...so on and so forth) I feel happy. Content to know that I have finally built a place to express myself. And it won't be just about communicating to a inanimate piece of paper, or worse, a mechanical screen. I can at least look forward to a response. So here goes my second post. It would have been intentional barely a month ago, but now it won't even make sense to the person it was intended to, sigh. Strange how life turns out to be, but in any case, I should let my writing do the talking from here.

...

There was a time, back when the mere thought of being on my own, without you by my side, was terrifying. Death seemed pleasant in contrast to that numbing fear.

All this time, I was alone, enclosed within impenetrable dark walls that pressed onto me, and I screamed, begged to be released. Surrounded by darkness, my closed eyes could vividly imagine a shining light bestowed upon me, brushing away all shadows, like an angel healing with a spread of her beautiful wings...

As the adage goes, you were my knight in shining armour. My faith in you was unshakeable. I truly believed that you would, when empowered enough, come and liberate me. The bondages of doubts, disbeliefs, fears and weaknesses would be cleansed with the strong, binding energy of chaste love. In your embrace, I would find my salvation. I could have agreed to serve you for innumerable lifetimes, if in this lifetime you became the only person to see and accept me as I am; to allow me the courage to stand before you, naked and vulnerable, and yet loved and cared for; to be able to requite the affection I was showered with.

Little did I know, I was living with delusions all this time.

You were but a mere shadow of what I believed you to be. In agony I would cry your name, but you would never come. You saw through me, and yet refused to see me at all. You would know exactly what was it that I was truly trying to tell, to make you understand, and yet you pretended as if you knew nothing.

You only served to deal me a blow of the worst humiliation I could ever face.

I stand today, bruised and wounded, but very much alive. My heart has not been broken, my spirit remains untouched. The only thing I notice as I look back is…

...You taught me to put myself above everything else, just the way you always do.

However it is with a difference. By choosing to live by myself, I will not hurt others; not cause them to give up on the power of love, like the way you nearly did.

Thank you. You taught me how to live, alone.


6 comments:

  1. You were never alone, you see :) You forgot me! I was by your side, and I always will =)
    Look whose being negative now :p

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  2. Oh, right, But you see, I can't be bothering you all the time. ;)
    And everyone has their share of ups and downs, my dear.

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  3. "♫♪♥Lonely Dreamer♥♪♫ said...

    You were never alone, you see :) You forgot me! I was by your side, and I always will =)
    Look whose being negative now :p
    April 25, 2011 10:12 PM
    Rose said...

    Oh, right, But you see, I can't be bothering you all the time. ;)
    And everyone has their share of ups and downs, my dear."


    ROFL.
    still ROFLing.

    gathers himself.

    ROFLs again.

    finally lets get back to commenting.

    loved the post. but just so u know, the only time a person is alone, is when he or she is in a womb or in a grave.

    There was a time, back when the mere thought of being on my own, without you by my side, was terrifying. Death seemed pleasant in contrast to that numbing fear... his line though is mindblowing. but i have the feeling i have read it sumwhr.

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  4. My, I didn't think my melancholic writing would elicit such a light response from you but thank you anyway. ;D

    I wouldn't know about that line, though. I wrote it on my own.

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  5. O_O" Is this for me? xDD Naw, just kidding.

    It made me stop to think, really. =O It moved me. ^^

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  6. You know for whom it was written. And it was also read by the person concerned. *sighs*

    I'm glad you liked it. Thank you.

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