Affiance, Mislaid

Promises, avowals.

You swore, didn’t you? To stay,

Through thick and thin, for better or for worse,

As goes the adage. As have been the sweet nothings since time immemorial.

I knew better, and I have, for some time now.

For words have failed to be the salve to my wounds

And I wanted more,

More than your saccharine placations,

More than the mirage of a shining future,

More than the home we built for ourselves in our dreams.

I wanted…realities. Small, steady, live realities

That I could envelop myself in,

That I could replace my armour with,

That I could finally call home.

But here we are instead,

On opposite ends of a bridge burnt to its very skeleton,

And I could not care less if it were to turn to ashes,

And drift away in the whistling winds, just as your words did.

So I raise the flame to its denouement

And bury the albatross for good.

Mirage

“Each step I left behind

Each road you know is mine

Walking on the line ten stories high

Say you'll still be by my side”

I think of you often.

(I think of you always.)

Your presence remains affixed in the landscape of my head.

Your existence is something I wish to embrace as if it had ever not been a part of my being.

But time passes, people change and life goes on, and I remain standing where I am, living as if suspended in motion, rooted to the ground.

Would you care to put down roots of your own? Could you?

“When the sun sets we're both the same

Half in the shadows

Half burned in flames”

You wanted to see my scars. You wanted to run your gaze over them, trace their outlines with your fingers, wonder aloud at the history that caused them to appear.

But I was not the only one bearing any, was I?

You do not get to pull the scabs off, while hiding yours.

“We can't look back for nothin'

Take what you need say your goodbyes”

Your touch ghosts over my skin to this day.

I feel the weight of your arm resting against mine night after night.

But it all disappears in the first light of each day, of a world that you could never bear to be in.

“We're leaving the things we lost

Leaving the ones we've crossed

I have to make an end so we begin

To save my soul at any cost”

I wander away from everything I know and hold dear, in an endless hunt for a place I could call home.

And you had said to me once, “Home is where we are, remember?”. 

I try and hold on to those words while I continue to lay adrift.

But my journey takes me farther and farther away from you, and each word I write to you is taken beyond my reach forever.

How could I ever hope to find you where I struggle to find myself? 

[Hola, to anyone who is still reading this, I have managed to come back from the dead. Hopefully, I will keep writing in the months to come. Lyrics credit: Beautiful Crime by Tamer]