Saturday, January 25, 2014

A Vexing Predicament

I have had enough.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t think, I can’t write. I dread every day…

…of seeing you before me and being unable to do anything about it. Of knowing the effect that we have on each other, marking the air between us with palpable uncertainty.

And I brought it upon us. I refuted your affections. I doubted your sincerity. I couldn’t stand the idea of being claimed.

But you and I, we both can’t do without each other, can we? Or was it my wishful thinking all along?

You, who prevails upon my mind like a bittersweet memory, forever haunting my waking moments; you, whose image unfailingly manifests in my troubled dreams; you, who I held onto for hope, for kindness and love…you became my own creation even before I got to know you.

And to see you in person is to bring all those visions crashing down, rendering me dismayed and wondering how easily I could get carried away.

It was never about you. It was always me, my convoluted thinking, my need for dependence that you came to fulfill, my unwillingness to accept you for who you are, my indifference to your struggle to bridge the gap between us that I only chose to emphasize more and more as we grew closer.

I wish I could be more forthcoming, but I can’t. For your sake, I won’t.

Nonetheless, you meant something to me…still do, always will and I wasn’t walking away.

Is this the way it ends? Are you content to leave this behind simply because it did not culminate the way you intended it to be?

To think we got this far, to think we rushed into taking a call; I am but bound by the stand I took.

And in the throes of a dying attachment, all I can say is: don’t leave me. Come back.

For I would walk towards you if I could but I can only meet you halfway. And so it is.



4 comments:

  1. This pull, which I know to be powerful and pervading from having used and been used upon is something that causes as much attrition of emotions on the user as on the target, if not more. But this is a fair game of winning and losing, gambling on the odds and knowing that you can and will pull the strings from both sides. So meeting in the middle is nigh, when the two are ready. Commit too early, and the chords snap, do it too late, well, you would consider yourself lucky if someone else is not pulling the same strings as you, on your love.

    Nice read.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    Replies
    1. All at the right time, it would seem. However, it becomes difficult to believe that one could have an equal if not more effect on other through this game - so caught up one is in making and anticipating one move after the other.

      Thank you for reading. :)

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  2. We get attached to someone for reasons unknown. And when they decide to leave it tears us apart. You have things you cant tell them for the fear of becoming more distant. Trying to keep everything is tough and so is letting go. knowing not what to do is the hardest.

    I love this post! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a hard decision, undoubtedly, but I believe letting go is easier. If it's meant to be yours, it will always come back to you.

      Thank you for reading. :)

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